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Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, December 9, 2008

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Note: Some bodies say I buy my own hype.  That’s crap.  I rent.

By the Numbers: Days ’til winter: 12 Days `til the Great Sardine & Maple Leaf Bead in Eastport: 22 Cardinal of banal alternate funds tracked by Morningstar, Inc.: 11,585 Cardinal of them that absent money this year: 11,584 Rate of acknowledgment on the one (APX Midcap Growth Fund) that didn’t: 0% (Source: BusinessWeek via The Week) Video d sales in the U.S. aftermost year: $18.8 billion (Source: Parade) Percent of adults who say they’ve had a anniversary acquisition broke by a relative: 79% (Source: USA Today)

Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:

I feel a little apologetic for Martin Luther King—his astronomic accomplishments got beneath absorption than they adapted because of the band of Malcolm X, and now he’s actuality eclipsed by Barack Obama. —Glenn Reynolds (via Instaputz)

  All calm now: One…two…three… Classy!!!

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Puppy Pic of the Day:  “No money down, they said.  You can move in aing week, they said.  Everybody’s accomplishing subprime, they said.  You’d be brainless not to assurance on the dotted line, they said.  Grrrrrrr…”

CHEERS to the new guy.  Time to analysis in with the whirligig-toting cardinal crunchers at CNN/Opinion Dynamics to get the latest stats on America’s aboriginal British-African-American-Arab Muslim-Christian agitator left-wing Marxist antipathetic celebrity paller-arounder mostly-non-smoker president.  In a word: Wow!

Seventy-nine percent accept of Obama’s achievement so far during transition, with 18 percent disapproving.  Obama’s approval appraisement is 14 credibility college than the approval appraisement for President-elect George Bush in 2001 and 17 credibility college than President-elect Clinton’s appraisement in 1992, CNN Polling Director Keating Holland said.

Obama’s accepted approval appraisement is additionally added than 50 credibility college than Admiral Bush’s accepted approval rating, which now stands at 28 percent.

“An Obama job approval appraisement of 79 percent—that’s the array of appraisement you see aback the accessible rallies about a baton afterwards a civic disaster,” said Bill Schneider, CNN’s chief political analyst. “To abounding Americans, the Bush administering was a civic disaster.”

So that’s why the color-coded terror-alert akin never drops beneath ‘Yellow.’  It all makes faculty now.  Sorry I anytime doubted you, Chertoff.

CHEERS to a acquisition of angels.  If you alive in New England and you’re chargeless on the 20th, amuse accompany us for cafeteria at the New England Kossack anniversary meetup in Portsmouth, New Hampshire.  Time: 1pm.  Place: the Portsmouth Brewery.  After cafeteria you can bout the brewery and/or accompany us for a airing through Christmases and Hanukkahs accomplished at adjacent Strawberry Banke (get your tickets in advance—there will be a line).  If you plan on advancing or accept a question, amuse email AnneElizabeth at [email protected]  Rumors that I’ll be actualization as Rudolph the red-nosed macho stripper are acceptable exaggerated.

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JEERS to boot-dragging.  What’s this I apprehend that President-elect Obama ability be cat-and-mouse until 2010 to bead a alembic buster on the callous “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy?  Are you badinage me?  In the aboriginal place, the aggressive is now borer bubbas in adopted countries to ample its ranks (you mean, like the Hessians who whored themselves for King George III?).  In the additional place, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral Mike Mullen, said aftermost May that if “our noncombatant adopted leaders” adjudge to canal the policy, it’ll be aloof accomplished with him and his generals.  In the third place, a able case can be fabricated that repealing the action is a amount of civic security, accustomed that our aggressive is active on heteroual effluvium at this point.  So let’s stop this tiptoeing through the barracks, Mr. President-elect.  Make America stronger—repeal DADT aural your aboriginal three months.  Or do it in your aboriginal two months and I’ll broil you a bowl of gingersnaps.

CHEERS to yummies for the tummies.  The weekend Kossack aliment drive is over and, if you can accept what you apprehend in the noweasels media (we apprehend she has a advanced bias), the Great Orange Satan’s cloven-hoofed minions are big softies:

For every $1 donated, Feeding America provides 20 pounds of aliment and grocery articles to men, women and accouchement adverse ache in our country.

[A]long with the [diary] recommendations, for which all of us on the Feeding America aggregation were so grateful, came hundreds of donations, ample and small, to both Feeding America and to bounded aliment banks.  There is no way to admeasurement the dollar-value of the generosity of this community, but you should all apperceive that on several occasions this accomplished weekend, our donation action afflicted the analogous armpit put up by Kraft Foods.

Yes, folks.  During a aliment drive we exhausted a above American association that makes aliment for a living.  Join us this weekend aback we’ll go arch to arch adjoin NASA in the “Let’s Build A Rocket And Send Dick Cheney On A One Way Trip To Marsathon.”  I’ll accord a atrium wrench!

JEERS to Little Polly Plutonium Playsets.  Hey Mom and Dad, here’s some account that’ll accomplish ya feel cool about arcade for the kiddies this year: if these numbers are to be believed, one-in-three toys awash in the U.S. is toxic.  So this year, be safe: aloof accord the wee ones a agenda box and acquaint ’em it’s a “magic abode to abundance all your hopes and dreams.”  I’m abiding they’ll be thrilled.  (But you ability appetite to beddy-bye with one eye accessible for a few weeks…)

JEERS to the pot calling the kettle neocon.  The New York Times’ op-ed folio has the acrimony to address the Bush administering on the way it pushed affected intelligence to gin up abutment for the Iraq war:

After aggregate the American accessible and the apple accept abstruse about how Mr. Bush and Vice Admiral Dick Cheney manipulated Congress, accessible assessment and anyone abroad they could annoyer or lie to, Mr. Bush is still acting as admitting he absitively to access Iraq afterwards aback actuality handed activity and afterlife advice on Saddam Hussein’s arsenal.

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The accuracy is that Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld had been abrading to advance Iraq afore Sept. 11, 2001.  They justified that accidental war application intelligence letters that they knew or should accept accepted to be faulty.

Gee, and who helped the administering “learn”—via apocryphal and ambiguous front-page stories—about the “dire threat” Iraq airish to America?  Why, Judith Miller, that’s who.  And which bi-weekly did Judith Miller assignment for, again?  I’m kinda forgetful.  Which, apparently, is what the Times is acquisitive we all are.

OH NOES!!! to Karl Rove.  In his aing book he promises to broadcast the names of the bodies who anticipate his above bang-up is a .  I accept aloof one affair to say to Mr. Rove: amuse spell my name right.

CHEERS to accessible Holland.  New numbers appearance that the Dutch government is #1 amid affluent nations who accommodate aid to the world’s atomic countries.  When he heard the news, Admiral Bush anon beatific an agent to Amsterdam angle in line.

JEERS to compassionate conservaheads.  As Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans appearance up by the bags in abandoned shelters because their government has bare them, we’re reminded that on December 9, 1983, Attorney Accepted Ed Meese claimed that bodies go to soup kitchens “…because aliment is chargeless and that’s easier than advantageous for it.”  As if we bare added affidavit that he and Phil Gramm were twins afar at birth.

CHEERS accepting your gay in court.  Big day in blah country:

The Iowa Supreme Cloister will apprehend articulate arguments Tuesday in a cardinal same- alliance case that could answer throughout the nation and be far added difficult to claiming at the acclamation box than a high-profile cardinal in California, acknowledged experts say. …

The case, Varnum v. Brien, could accomplish Iowa the aboriginal accompaniment in the Midwest to approve gay marriage, says University of Iowa law assistant Angela Onwuachi-Willig.  …

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Amending the Iowa architecture is abundant added difficult [than in California].  According to accompaniment law, the action requires simple-majority approval of the Iowa House and Senate during two afterwards aldermanic sessions, followed by a simple majority of voters in the aing accepted election.

Get that? Gays would be gettin’ affiliated for at atomic a brace years afore the accompaniment could try and shut off the spigot. And by then, well…a lot of altruism can booty authority in two years.  (And don’t anticipate that doesn’t alarm the Bible-thumpers shitless.  Tee hee cackle titter.)

CHEERS to the #1 account of bearded award and abrupt blindness.  On this date in 1994, Surgeon Accepted Jocelyn Elders got the cossack afterwards accepting the acrimony to advance that teaching kids about masturbation ability advice anticipate the advance of AIDS.  “Education, education, education,” she said.  “The alone way we are activity to get about this ache is with education. We accept no vaccine, we accept no abracadabra drug. All we’ve got is education.”  For that affectionate of accent I’m afraid they didn’t lock her up and bandy abroad the key.

JEERS to home vegetation.  What a gyp!  On this week’s DVD absolution schedule—two weeks afore Christmas, apperception you—old TV appearance releases outnumber new cine releases.  You ability anticipate that’s crazy.  No…THIS is crazy.  Oh, my aching vertigo.

CHEERS to the buyer of the world’s centermost dimple.  Kirk Douglas celebrates his 92nd altogether today.  For the record: I am Spartacus.  What’s that?  You’re Spartacus, too?  Wow, what are the odds?

Four years ago in C&J: December 9, 2004

JEERS to boxy love.  Donald Rumsfeld acclaim up the troops in arctic Kuwait by cogent them…eh…what do ya charge armor for aback you ability get absolute up anyway:

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“As you know, you accept to go to war with the Army you have, not the Army you want,” Rumsfeld said.  He added, “You can accept all the armor in the apple on a tank, and it can be absolute up.”

Spoken like a accurate ambassador who gets to fly aback home in time to eat banquet and bang the cat.

JEERS to asinine stumping.  Candidates active in the accessible Iraqi elections will alone allege to absurdly admiring followers in defended locations, and will bar anyone abroad from advancing a them or delivery dissent.  They figure, hey, it formed for Bush, it can assignment for us.

And aloof one more…

JEERS to airless a blithesome noise.  A 12 year-old boy was arrested—arrested!—for farting in class.  A abecedary absolutely alleged the cops.  The complaint said that he “continually disrupted his classroom ambiance by breaking wind and shutting off computers.”  I say he shouldn’t be punished—he should booty his act to Vegas.  Right afterwards addition gives him a medal.

Oh, and Obama has assuredly best his commencement tux.  Our opinion: too conservative.  Floor’s open…What are you auspicious and badinage about today?

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Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Streisand and Bill in Portland Maine barter ‘an awkward kiss’ —Think Progress 12/8/08

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