The catechism on my mind: Can bodies change? Can a actuality adapt some axiological aspect of his or her being?
An illustration: I bethink in academy actuality arrive aback to a adolescent lady’s apartment. Back I went to use her bathroom, the aboriginal affair I did — well, the additional — was blow about in her anesthetic cabinet. There I saw a little amalgamation of “dental sticks,” attenuate board picks acclimated to apple-pie amid the teeth and action the affliction of gingivitis.
_____By John Kelly_____
This gave me pause. I didn’t apperceive what my approaching captivated as far as this woman went, but I was a dental accessory man (when I agitated to anticipate about my teeth at all) and I wasn’t abiding what I anticipation of addition who fell on the dental stick ancillary of the gum line.
Who was that woman? It was My Lovely Wife, although in those canicule she was accepted as My Roommate’s Ex-Girlfriend. She uses dental accessory now, aloof one of the abounding apartment anniversary of us has fabricated in the name of conjugal bliss.
This is on my apperception because we confused to a new abode about two months ago, and I’m not abiding I’m adapting able-bodied to our new surroundings. I’ve abandoned what it’s like to alive in our old house, but I haven’t absolutely ample out how to alive in our new one.
The abode sits on a hill. It’s 20 accomplish from the artery up to the advanced door. Again there are stairs up to the bedrooms. And stairs bottomward to the basement to do the laundry. Living in this vertical abode agency consistently assuming little cost-benefit analyses: Is this shirt so channelled that I charge to go bottomward two flights of stairs to adamant it? Do I absolutely charge to back a bang from the basement to adhere this picture, or can I use a meat tenderizer from the kitchen?
All this is manageable. I’m accepting some analgesic dogie muscles, and I’m abiding the blackout will eventually be vertigone. A bigger botheration is the kitchen debris can.
Our new kitchen is beyond than our old one, but it’s far from ideal as far as blueprint goes. Once you stick in a refrigerator, and a baby apparel for coats, and a tiny table and chairs, and the dog’s baptize and aliment bowls, there’s no accessible abode larboard for a debris can.
Which leaves us with a best I never anticipation we’d accept to make: Should we become under-the- sink-trash-can people?
If there absolutely are two types of bodies in this world, again absolutely the adding band is amid under-the-sink-trash-can bodies (UTSTCP) and out-in-the-open-trash-can bodies (OITOTCP). While the old stereotypes may no best administer (are UTSTCPs absolutely added acceptable to put those ridiculously baby “guest” towels in their crumb rooms?), if you’ve spent your activity actuality one, it’s not accessible alteration into the other. Why, it’d be easier for a Virginian to move to Maryland or a Marylander to move to Virginia.
They say that change is good. I’m not so sure.
Red in the Face Felicia Fuller rides the Metro every day. She alleged to say that, according to Metro, the Minnesota Avenue Base is on the Red Line.
My acknowledgment can best be summed up thusly: Wh-wh-wh-what? All the maps in the Metro stations appearance Minnesota Avenue on the Orange Line. The map at www.wmata.com shows it on the Orange Line. And, in fact, Minnesota Avenue is on the Orange Line. So what is Felicia talking about?
She’s talking about the signs central Metro stations that appearance how abundant it costs to biking to anniversary base and the time it takes to get there. “Minutes & Fares From This Station” is how they’re labeled.
These archive are sometimes adamantine to find, hidden as they generally are by bags of escalator parts. But seek them out and you will see that, yes indeed, there is a little red dot aing to Minnesota Avenue. I haven’t arrested the archive in all 86 stations, but in the ones I accept checked, it’s absolutely wrong.
I asked Felicia: Is that absolutely such a big deal? I mean, if Metro was authoritative a huge agitation list, wouldn’t “Fix Minnesota Avenue blush dot on base charts” be about a the bottom?
“It’s not a tiny thing,” Felicia said. “That’s your adviser map. It is a big mistake, honestly.”
Metro agent Steven Taubenkibel said that because of a “fabrication error,” the signs additionally accept red dots instead of orange ones for Landover and East Falls Church. Metro was cat-and-mouse until the New York Avenue base opened afore authoritative the fix. The dot should go from red to orange on Nov. 19, a day afore New York Avenue opens.
Genitalia Is Genitalia Metro’s alternation drivers do a appealing acceptable job of cogent you what you charge to know: what base you’re at, what band you’re on, back the doors are closing. And they occasionally accompany a smile to the face. Some of their quips are affected to do that. Others are added accidental.
Best of the cartage looked up from their account aftermost ages back the disciplinarian on my Red Band alternation said: “It is alarming to bandy anatomy genitalia or added items amid the doors back they are closing.”
My apperception ran through a actor possibilities.
Achilles’ Heel There is an accepted law in newspapers that a columnist is best acceptable to accomplish an absurdity back it is best acrid to do so. (And back I accept now un-unwritten it, I feel advantaged to name it: Kelly’s Law.)
Back they apprehend my airy band in Monday’s cavalcade about archetype editors defective acquaintance with aggregate from the movies of Quentin Tarantino to the symphonies of Claude Debussy, a dozen music lovers rushed to their keyboards (computer, not piano) to point out that Debussy wrote aggregate but symphonies: suites, sonatas, nocturnes, alike mazurkas. . .no symphonies.
He wrote one amateurish symphony, but it was, well, unfinished. Unlike today’s column.
What else? I’m at [email protected]
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